NOTE: Week 8 of the college football season is here. Make your picks for Joe vs. the Pro and the Hero using this link or through the form embedded at the bottom of the column. Each week, the winners of the 6-0 Challenge will be celebrated in Joe’s weekly newsletter, “SPORTS! Happy Hour. Don’t forget the shots against the spread.”
This is an opinion column.
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Georgia’s Kirby Smart, the SEC’s very bad football coach, gave Mississippi State’s quarterback a forearm twitch during the game and got away with it.
An intelligent person is a fool if he thinks that anyone will believe his excuse. The mask-wearing coach said he didn’t realize he did it until reviewing the film after the game.
Coincidentally, that’s what I tell my wife when the dogs and I eat ice cream and cookies after she goes to bed.
“No, I’m sorry, but we don’t know who ate the ice cream and cookies. We’ll have to review the film from last night because neither I, nor Dubs for the Win, nor Tali Terrific remember those events.”
Who looks more pathetic this week heading into No. 5 Georgia’s big game against No. 1 Texas, Smart or SEC Commissioner Greg Sankey?
Unlike the cops in Athens, Georgia, who seem to have their hands full with late-night street racers, Sankey let Smart off with a warning.
It is against SEC rules for a coach to forcefully hit, push, move, or touch an opposing player during a game. Smart’s temporary amnesia shouldn’t matter here. The rules do not provide any exceptions for failure to remember. Smart should be suspended for at least one game for the incident, and if Smart truly doesn’t remember what happened, perhaps he should enter concussion protocol until he is cleared by a team of medical professionals.
I wrote in the preseason that Smart was the SEC’s new Urban Meyer, but I was wrong. Smart turned out to be Walter White of the SEC.
There is an episode in the hit TV show “Breaking Bad” when the main character Wyatt, a high school science teacher turned drug dealer, is kidnapped by a deranged crime lord named Tuco Salamanca.
White’s wife does not know that her husband is a criminal. She thinks he’s a stupid science teacher with cancer.
But White’s alter ego is Heisenberg. Heisenberg is secretly cooking crystal meth and building an empire.
White does not become clean after being kidnapped. He escapes from Salamanca and hatches an immature plan. He stripped naked in a grocery store and later claimed that he may have suffered a dissociative fugue because of all his chemotherapy. Dissociative fugue, known as a fugue state, is a rare form of temporary amnesia. It’s like a break from reality experienced by cognitive patients, couples everywhere, and, apparently, our beloved “Dawgs.”
I appreciate Sankey’s attempt to get as many SEC teams as possible into the College Football Playoffs, but at some point his lack of leadership will start to erode the integrity of the SEC. We all know who runs the SEC. Fugue-state Smart appears to be the real commissioner of the SEC.
Like they say in the song, and I’m paraphrasing here, but man, it must feel so good to be a gangster.
Georgia (5-1, 3-1 in the SEC) needs a win over Texas (6-0, 2-0 in the SEC) to keep its hopes alive for a spot in the SEC Championship game. The Bulldogs haven’t looked great this season, and their 41-31 win over Mississippi State underscored the team’s woes. Quarterback Carson Beck had two more interceptions to give him five on the season and Georgia’s defense allowed 6.1 yards per game. Mississippi State quarterback Michael Van Buren Jr. managed to throw for 306 yards and three touchdowns despite being roughed up by Georgia players and the head coach.
Hopefully Smart feels better after his break from reality, but it’s a good thing he called Mississippi State’s coach to apologize for trashing quarterback Jeff Libby during the game.
That must have been an awkward conversation.
“Yes, coach, listen, I don’t remember doing this, but they told me I gave your quarterback the People’s Elbow during the game. Oh, by the way, I’m stealing your quarterback for next season.
Playoff chase
It was supposed to be Southern champagne and chandelier parties all the way to the playoffs for the University of Mississippi. Instead, Ole Miss, which was also on a roll, exited the playoffs early after losing 29-26 to No. 8 LSU in overtime.
The Rebel Land Shark Black Bears blew the score after taking a 23-16 lead with about three minutes left in the game. Ole Miss (5-2, 1-2 in the SEC) started the season ranked No. 6 nationally and then climbed as high as No. 5 before losing two of its final three games. His team was once the favorite to make the College Football Playoff, but now it feels like cosmic justice for coach Lane Kiffin.
Kevin’s team has been accused of faking injuries during matches this season to stifle opponents’ momentum. Kevin is the SEC’s jovial prankster, and his personality is great for the league, but maybe this time the Karma Police have caught their man.
Will Georgia fall out of the playoffs with a loss to Texas (6-0, 2-0 SEC)? It’s hard to predict, but Georgia’s win over Clemson may not be enough if the Bulldogs keep losing to top-five teams. One thing is for sure, No. 7 Alabama (5-1, 2-1 in the SEC) needs a win over No. 11 Tennessee (5-1, 2-1 in the SEC) to keep the Tide’s dreams alive. Playoffs.
No. 14 Texas A&M (5-1, 3-0 in the SEC) is the current leader of the toughest conference in sports. Mike Elko, the Aggies’ first-year coach, suddenly had a clear path to the playoffs despite a Week 1 loss to Notre Dame. The Aggies take on LSU (5-1, 2-0) at home in two weeks, then close out the season with the biggest home game in school history against No. 1 Texas.
Will two-losing Texas A&M get into the playoff over two-losing Alabama?
Here’s a question that should put league commissioner Sankey and Birmingham’s instant replay crew on high alert. How many losing teams could he suit up for in a College Football Playoff? My guess at this point in the season is no more than three unless Vanderbilt (4-2, 2-1 SEC) runs the table and upsets Texas in two weeks.
In this league, opportunities swing like a door to those lucky teams who can catch unprepared heavyweights at home.
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Make your choices
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Joseph Goodman is the chief sports columnist for Alabama Media Group and the author of We Want Bama: A Season of Hope and the Making of Nick Saban’s Ultimate Team.
