Five old friends head to the Caribbean for the wedding of their dreams. The embarrassment has to come from former duo Meg (Haftoo Kasem) and Kayla (Natalie Mitson) coming face to face a year later. Instead, the annoyance comes in the form of killer sharks hungry for hen parties.
“You brought us into shark-infested waters the day before my wedding!” screams Manchester bride Lizzie (Lauren Lyle), after witnessing one of her group being chomped down by an ocean apex predator.
Closer to the intimate thrills of Open Water and 47 Meters Down than the high-seas camp of Deep Blue Sea and The Meg, director Hayley Easton Street’s debut film is essentially Bridezilla vs Jaws, as a gang of friends, partying in the Caribbean for a wedding, are left stranded. Because there are not enough life jackets, one buoy and a leaky boat when Mr. Shark comes. The result lacks surprises, feels too familiar, and perhaps works best as a cautionary tale for the kind of self-absorbed people who force their friends to pay for expensive weddings abroad.
Something in the Water is almost that rare thing, a film with an all-female cast — a prize spoiled by the brief appearance of the groom (Gabriel Prevost-Takahashi). In addition to Lizzie, we have gang leader Cam (Nicole Riku Setsuko), environmentalist Ruth (Eloise Shakespeare-Hart), as well as Meg (Heftu Kasem) and Kayla (Natalie Mitson), an ex-couple who broke up after Meg went on a homophobic rant. They are shocked and are now meeting with difficulty.
When you reach the open seas, the action plays out through every trick in the shark flick’s playbook
The screenplay by Cat Clarke (Good Omens, Ten Percent) has some good gags, the patience to spend time with its characters before the chaos — there’s dancing to S Club Seven’s “Reach,” Titanic jokes and enough friendship bracelets to rival Taylor Swift’s party — and it depicts… Representatives collective friendship (not friendship) enthusiastically. But the characters lack depth, and the dynamics don’t feel real or real – it may be true to the genre but there are some epically stupid decisions on display here and the bickering gets tiresome (the film’s mostly serious tone also means it’s unclear whether or not Meg’s name is…) A clear reference to Jason Statham’s enemy.)
When you reach the open seas, the action plays through every trick in the shark flick playbook without adding to the tension; The boat that passes without carrying our heroes because we are only in the second act; blood in the water that acts as catnip for killer fish; Flashbacks as characters bob up and down in the water; Heavy rainstorm at night. The small part of the reef that provides comfort to the final girl.
The budget seems to have largely gone to the stunning locations (actually the Dominican Republic) and overused drone shots, meaning that the sharks are mostly represented by a circular fin, with brief flashes of decent CG at the end. It’s not completely dead in the water but you’ll get up to size pretty quickly – head, tail, the whole damn thing.
The feminine-first vibe is fresh, but “Something in the Water” is something old, nothing new, a lot borrowed and full of shimmering blue.
